Note To Self: Corn Nuts and Teeth Jewelry Do Not Mix

Note to Self: Corn Nuts and Teeth Jewelry Do Not Mix

There have to be least 10035346972 reasons why someone would anticipate the glorious season after winter. I’m sure you know them all, so I don’t really need to list them all off. But what the heck, lists are fun. Springtime equals flowers (they smell so pretty), birds (save for when they nest right by your bedroom window and chirp before 5am. True story. You can see the little darlings in the picture above), and the ability to ride your bike without slipping on ice (I may or may not have rode my bike while ice still held claim over the ground…I’m sure you can imagine how that turned out!) Also, if you’re like me, it’s because in just three little (ALMOST TWO) days braces will finally come off your teeth. YAY!!!!!!

Having braces even one day, is, in my opinion, too long. But it did help when my brother told me that braces are “jewelry for your teeth.” Makes them sound kinda snazzy, huh? Nevertheless, my orthodontic adventure has lasted pretty near two years. It’s had it’s ups and downs just like anything, but without a doubt I’m ready for it to end. And that end happens on Tuesday. *hands out pre-celebratory cupcakes that have the magic power to be whatever flavor you wish* And then I can eat Corn Nuts.

Ahhhhh, yes, you think, this is where Corn Nuts come into the picture. Well, what about them?

corn nutsThe thing about Corn Nuts, my friends, is that I have been deprived of them for too long. Waaaaaayy too long. (not the entire two years I’ve had teeth jewelry, but I’m getting ahead of myself here.) If you’re not familiar with this amazingly delicious and (slightly) addictive snack food – YOU MUST GO BUY SOME. YOU ARE MISSING OUT. CORN. AND NUTS. AND SALTY GOODNESS. What can honestly go wrong with this combination??? That is, unless you have braces. I definitely do not recommend these whilst having teeth jewelry. Corn Nuts are, in addition to being known for their amazing deliciousness, very hard. Very hard. So you can imagine what would happen if you tried to eat them with braces. Well, me, not wanting to give up more food than I had to, insisted that eating Corn Nuts would be okay.

Yeah no.

I mean, you have to understand my struggle here. My dad and brother both had their individual bag of Corn Nuts – I wanted some too. I thought it would be okay. My mother wasn’t so sure. She warned me, because of how hard they were, but I insisted. “No, I’ll be okay.” Because if I followed everything the orthodontist told me not to eat, I’m pretty sure I’d only be allowed water and applesauce. Well, that’s a little extreme I guess, but you miss out on a lot of good food with braces, even if having teeth jewelry is pretty snazzy. So I ate the Corn Nuts.

I should have listened to my mother. She is a wise woman indeed.

I was happily chomping away on some salty Corn Nuts. Doing what, I can’t remember. I seem to think that I was spinning in circles on one of those spinny office chairs (because spinny chairs are fun, okay?!), but I’m not exactly sure. Or maybe I was just sitting in a spinny office chair. Or twirling slightly…well I guess it doesn’t matter. As I was saying: Me. Chomping. Corn Nuts. I pop another corn nut into my mouth, chew a couple times, then hear a loud crack.

I stop chewing. What was that? I think. I kinda look around the room to spot anything capable of that kind of cracking sound. Not seeing anything, I continue eating, completely oblivious to what had actually happened. I finish the bag with no further problems, other than my snack being gone and no other ones available for my consumption.

Now we’ll fast forward to my next ortho appointment, which wasn’t too far down the road. As routine while at the orthodontist, they check to make sure none of your brackets are broken.

“Did you realize you had a broken bracket?” The ortho lady asked me during the routine inspection.

And that’s when it all fell into place. The loud crack. Those doggone but seriously awesome Corn Nuts and their very hard hardness. “Nooooo….” Mom would have a fit if she knew – and I knew I had to tell her. Much to my delight no further questions were asked. Corn Nuts are definitely on the list of “Foods Not to Eat While You Have Braces!” and I had a feeling that it wouldn’t go over well if they knew what caused it. Whoops. They re-glued the bracket back on, continued on as usual, and I was on my way.

“So…” I told Mom while on the way home. “The ortho lady asked me if I realized I had a broken bracket…”

And she knew instantly what had caused it. “Emma!” She actually used both my first and middle name – knew I was in trouble then, haha. But my only punishment was that of “Absolutely no more corn nuts until your braces are off!”

Pure. Torture.

So, as you can see, I am most anxious to get my braces off. (TUESDAY.) I had my mother promise me that the day they came off she would buy me a big bag of corn nuts. Ooh, I can just taste them now…well, I would if I could remember what they tasted like. Haha.

You can also adapt this story to fit in with unpopped popcorn kernels – broken bracket and all. Except that story has a happier ending – Mother Dearest still allows me to eat popcorn.

And now you know the reason I titled this post what I titled it. If anyone ever asks me for advice about braces (which they haven’t yet, but when they do I’ll be ready), my advice for them is:

Corn Nuts and teeth jewelry just do not mix no matter how hard you try to get around it.

alright then. you’ve heard about my experience with food you shouldn’t eat with teeth jewelry and broken brackets, so i’m curious: what are yours? also, what are your thoughts on corn nuts? yay or nay? and if you answered nay, how come? what’s your  favorite snack food instead? sunflower seeds? popcorn? cheetos?





2 thoughts on “Note To Self: Corn Nuts and Teeth Jewelry Do Not Mix

  1. michellecaskey April 13, 2015 / 6:54 am

    Oh boy, I remember those days of having braces. Never thought of them as teeth jewelry – that might have helped. My brother wasn’t sweet enough to think of that for me. Have a wonderful Liberation Day tomorrow! 🙂


    • Emma April 13, 2015 / 7:39 am

      I’m sure you miss those days. 😉 Thanks so much, I can’t wait!


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